From the Rabbi’s Desk

Rabbi Manes Kogan

E-mail: kogan@rev.net

Keeping the Faith

(On Intermarriage)

April 29, 2000

Silvia’s relatives from Long Island spent the first two days of Passover with us. They belong to a Conservative Synagogue in East Meadows. As you know, when you leave your congregation even just to visit for a few days another congregation, it is impossible not to compare between both of them. So was the case of Silvia’s aunt who asked me: "Manes (she calls me Manes): you always talk about the Torah portion? You don’t talk sometimes about politics, or about movies in the theater? To be sincere with you (and with her), you can see that I rarely speak about something that does not convey a specific Jewish message and that is not connected with the Torah portion. First of all this is my stile and I feel comfortable with it. Second, even I read the newspapers, I don’t feel I have still a real sense of American politics. Regarding movies, Silvia and I still remember one of the latest movies we went to se: "Gone With the Wind!" (I am just kidding). Really, we don’t go very often to the movies. However, last Thursday we went to see "Keeping the Faith", first of all because we wanted to break the Chametz prohibition with popcorn and we didn’t find a better one that the one they sell in the Grandin theater. Second, almost everybody went to see the movie and we didn’t want to be the exception.

So, to pleased Silvia’s relatives from Long Island and to be original, I decided to write a short sermon on the movie "Keeping the Faith".

However, I found very quickly that I was not original at all. Friday morning, checking my e-mail I found 4 messages from colleagues of mine who shared with the rest of the Conservative Rabbis their opinions about the film. (Silvia told me later that I deleted more than 25 more messages on the same subject the week before). Conservative Rabbis (and I guess, Reform alike) are talking about nothing but the movie "Keeping the Faith".

Let me share first of all some interesting opinions of my colleagues:

A first opinion:

"I thought it was great to watch a film that dealt with the issues we struggle with in a very funny way, even if we may disagree with its solutions. One thing that I did think was wonderful in the movie was the beautiful relationship between senior and junior clergy, both Catholic and Jewish. But most of all, we should not be afraid to laugh about ourselves"

A second opinion:

"Some of us may see it as a ridiculous impossibility for a rabbi to date a non-Jew, but Catholics might have the same response to seeing the priest fall in love. Both can and probably do happen. After laughing about it, we still need to have a response. Discussing the movie with teenagers and college students is probably a wonderful start at that"

Another opinion:

"My mother, who saw it with us, was more upset, but I see her Jewish point of view fitting in with those whom are not smiled on in the film. My 12 year old daughter liked it. (and I'm sure that some of you will be upset that she went with us)"

And a last opinion:

"I found that the film was all downhill. I was particularly troubled by the stereotypes, especially of Jewish women, and the inaccurate representations of Judaism. The only character with any depth was the priest. He was portrayed as having a legitimate struggle with his faith, while the rabbi was just going wherever his hormones would take him"

You got a taste of what other rabbis think . So now, I will give up the originality of the idea and will share with you some of my own thoughts and feelings on the movie. That presents a challenge by itself because I need to do that without telling those who hadn’t seen the movie that the murderer is the housekeeper (I am just kidding).

Those who went see the movie don’t need a big introduction and for those who haven’t, let me tell you that the movie is about the conflicts that face two best friends, a young Rabbi and a young Catholic Priest when they find that a former mate from school they haven’t seen since eight grade is back in New York and is excited to see them. Both, the Rabbi and the Priest, have strong forbidden feelings for the girl, one because he is a Priest and the other because he is Jewish and she is not.

Bur first let me tell you about my own feelings after seeing the movie. You know, when you see a movie, first of all you like it or you don’t. And I did like it! Then comes the analysis, if it comes at all! The first thing I tried to discover is why I liked the movie and not only myself but mainly everybody I talked with.

The movie describes a struggle between principles of faith or religious expectations and love, or what started as a sexual attraction and is afraid to be named love.

This is not the first movie to describe such a struggle. Famous movies like "Fiddler on the Roof", "Delancy St." among others deal with the same conflict. This movie –however- is a little different because, first of all is very funny, and second because the Priest’s struggle takes part of the pressure from the Jewish character.

From the movie it is clear that the two men are the ones in trouble. The girl does not understand how for someone, a religious commitment could be more powerful than love. Of course, the conflict is there all the time, but you always get the feeling that the only one possible solution to the dilemma is to listen to your soul, to your hearts (or maybe to your hormones). The Priest was ready to give up his vows and the Rabbi... I can’t tell you. It is a movie I think you should see.

What is clear to me, from my own feelings and from the feelings of most of you who watched the movie is that we don’t relate to the possibility of intermarriage any more as a taboo, even not as something bad, or sad or inconvenient. Moreover: from the movie it seems clear that if today, someone will dare to challenge an intermarriage relation as inappropriate (like Tevie did in "Fiddler on the Roof" or like the Rabbi’s mother in the movie did with her older son) this person will be catalogued as insensitive or at least "living in the past".

Because it is a Hollywood movie, at the end, the Rabbi of our movie doesn’t give up very much (he manages somehow to keep the beautiful girl, his mother’s love and comprehension, his job as a Rabbi , his friendship with the Priest and moreover, the sympathy of most of us who went see the movie) .

I don’t need –personally- to face the Rabbi’s dilemma. However, I am not free of the conflict a congregational Rabbi has with this issue. And just to present you with some of the questions I think we will need to deal with sooner or later:

Are we doing our work if we avoid talking on the problematic of intermarriage just not to anger the members of our congregation who are in this situation or who have a son or daughter in this situation?

How can we be open to the world and at the same time keep our traditions for us and our children?

How much do we embrace simplistic definitions to dilemmas like the one it is presented to us in the movie? Love or religion? Self fulfillment or eternal regrets? Understanding or living in the past?

Do we have the right to "encourage" our non-Jewish partner to convert to Judaism just to please our parents or to build a Jewish family? What would be our reaction if we were be asked by our Christian partner to convert to Christianity to build a Christian family?

I don’t have the final answers to all these questions. So far, the movie allowed me to re-open the discussion in my own mind on a subject long time ago rejected and repressed.

Meanwhile, let’s keep the faith!

Shabbat Shalom!