Giving this situation, we could except that Jacob would like to do everything to avoid meeting with his brother in his way back.

That is the reason that the beginning of our Sidra surprises us with the following verses:

Jacob not only does not try to avoid his brother, but send messengers to inform Esau about his coming to the land of Canaan.

Why is Jacob doing that? What is the rational behind his behavior?

According to the Midrash, Jacob should have taken a roundabout route to avoid Edom, for the Sages fault him for "taking the dog [i.e., Esau] by the ears".

The Zohar sees Jacob’s strategy in the fact that he knows Esau’s love for Isaac, and his trust that Esau’s will not dishonor his father by killing his brother.

Ramban does not see any strategy for he does not see any possible alternative to Jacob’s decision.

Finally, the Midrash, blames Jacob by not avoiding his brother.

Although these three opinions contradict each other, their common point is that, according to them, Jacob is not in charge of the situation. According to the Midrash he acted foolishly and according to Ramban he didn’t have any choice at all. The Zohar gives Jacob an active role in his decision, but insinuated Jacob cowardly by trying to hide under his father protection..

Jacob fears his brother Esau and the Torah has not a problem with that. Fear is legitimate. The question is; what you do with your fear? How do you act when you face a difficult situation?

Most people will think that the best way to deal with a situation, which scares us, is to avoid the situation itself. This is also the opinion of the Sages who blamed Jacob for "taking the dog [i.e., Esau] by the ears". Others will tell you: don’t do anything, just wait.

I strongly believe that Jacob taught us a different approach: he run toward the situation he was afraid of. This more aggressive approach put Jacob in charge. By sending messengers to his brother, he took an active role in solving the problem. He still fears his brother, but he transformed his passive fear in something more active.

From a psychological point of view, apparently, Jacob could not tolerate any more the anxiety that represented for him running from his brother. For how long I can avoid facing my brother? – He probably thought.

Jacob still fears Esau, but, by taking the initiative, he send him a message that fear didn’t paralyze him. He did the first movement (always the most important). Now is time for Esau to respond.

In addition, Jacob chose carefully the words to be delivered. According to Or HaChaim, Jacob wanted his messengers to deliver the message verbatim, including the fact that in his conversations with them he had referred to Esau as "my lord" and to himself as Esau's "servant." This was part of Jacob's tactful approach, because thereby Esau would realize that Jacob truly held him in great esteem.

I really don’t know if Jacob had great esteem for Esau, but he showed great esteem and great respect indeed. He was kind and sent gifts. He bought his brother’s anger that is different from bribing him. As Ilan Baril told me last Friday, "He killed him with kindness". People can not stand too much kindness without responding favorably.

It is difficult to be mean to someone who repeatedly is nice to you. And Jacob understood it well. Esau wanted to be shown respect and honor. He cared very much about material gifts. And Jacob gave him what he needed. As the Rabbis teach us: "When your enemy is hungry, feed him bread"

Esau also cared about prestige. He remembered Isaac’s blessings to Jacob.

I have sojourned with Laban. The verb "Garti", lodged, implies staying as a stranger [from "Ger" alien]. Thus Jacob meant to tell Esau, "I have not become a great prince nor have I achieved status . . . I remained merely an alien. Therefore, you need not hate me for having received Father's blessing [27:29], since it has clearly not been fulfilled."